I AM



Greetings Earthlings!

I am Beverly Kho living in North side, Manila.
My name means "Woman from the beaver meadow" which explains why I look like this.
I have once lived with Anne Frank back in the 1930's. I am allergic to powder and as a result, I have never felt non-sticky.
I have my own river named 'Emotion'. I have once felt isolated from this world and tried to fit in with the Egyptians.

If anybody has anymore questions beyond art, music, duplication, relevance, obsessions, literature,
heartbreak, disillusionment, love, death, the future, confusion, delusions, homosexuals, sleep machines,
mundanes, eco-friendly and vegetarians, please don't Google my name or ask your "friend who knows about me".
Call me at your Mom's house, I'll be there having a powder party.

Ok, enough about that. As you can see, this blog is filled with Incubus that's because
I AM a big big fan of them. I look up to them and they serve as my inspiration (Sometimes my distraction. Hi Brandon)

Besides BB and Incubus, I enjoy the sights of...
...FASHION
...ART
...MUSIC
...TRAVEL

Oh, and by the way, if your not using Mozilla Firefox, you won't be able to view my posts.

Cheers!

Lawyers


INSPIRATION
"The world is a drought when out of love
Please come back to us
You're all of the above
I'm making a choice to be out of touch
Leave me be he said, he said, he said,
Leave me here in my stark, raving, sick, sad little world!"


"We're both aligned in framed of mind but circumstance has got us good
And now you’re seeing a side of me I wished no one ever would
Yeah, if it's right to pick a fight, we’re fingers in a sugar bowl
Love isn’t perfect, even diamonds start out as coal"


"Should I apologize
If what I say burns your ears and stains your eyes?
Oh, did I crack your shell?
When it falls away, you'll see we exist as well!"


"I suggest we learn to love ourselves before it's made illegal
When will we learn? When will we change?
Just in time to see it all come down..."


"Was it something I said
Something I read and manifested that's getting you down
Don't you dare come to bed with that ambiguous look in your eye
I'd sooner sleep by an open fire and wake up fried"


"There's something about the look in your eyes
Something I noticed when the light was just right
It reminded me twice that I was alive
And it reminded me that you're so worth the fight"


"Could there be a familiar ring every time I sing about.
Cycle the tears everything in life no doubt I, I.
Reiterate till my jaw is offset,
But I'll say it again anyway,
What you give is what you get!"


"I take a look around; it´s evident the scene has changed.
And there are times when I feel improved, improved upon the past.
Then there are times when I can´t seem to understand at all
and yes it seems as though I´m goin nowhere...
really fucking fast, nowhere fast."


"I'm thinking of my soul severity
And I know everything you hate in me
Fill me up with over-pious badgerate
Throw them up; one of my favorite things"


"I hear you on the radio
You permeate my screen, its' unkind but
If I met you in a scissor fight
I'd cut off both your wings on principle alone"


"Hello!? I'm trying to focus
But my eyes deceive me.
Focus. I'm witnessing history...repeating."


"Picture the scene, where whatever you thought,
would, in the blink of an eye, manifest and become illustrated.
You'd be sure man that every line drawn reflected a life that you loved
not an existence that you hated.
So, must we demonstrate that we can't get it straight?
We've painted a picture, now we're drowning in the paint.
Let's figure out what the fuck it's about,
before the picture we painted chews us up and spits us out."


"There'd be no one to answer to
and complicate our lives,
we could be
the epitome of self sufficience."


"It isn't fair to mention, but it awes the crowd
Your fictional, plastic alibi
So take another hit, steal another line
Did you ever meet a leech who was good at goodbyes?"


"In my fantasy, I’m a Pantomime
I'll just move my hands and everyone sees what I mean
Words are too messy, and it’s way past time
To end in my mouth paint my face white and tried
To reinvent the sea, one wave a time
Speak without my voice and see the world by candlelight"


"I saw you standing in my headlights
I thought I’d run you down for the weight you left on me
Instead I punched rewind, reversed and drove away
And seeing you disappear in my rear view
brought to me the word 'reciprocity'"


"You stare at me like I'm a vitamin.
On the surface you hate,
but you know you need me.
I come dressed as any pill you deem fit.
Whatever helps you swallow the truth
all the more easily"


"My secret arsenal
is an infinite, ageless inkwell
it's a fountian of youth
and a patriot's weapon of choice."


"Enough bowing down to disillusion
Hats off and applause to rogues and evolution
The ripple effect is too good not to mention
If you're not affected, you’re not paying attention
It's too good, it's too good, not to have an effect"


"I see you in line, dragging your feet
you have my sympathy.
The day you were born, you were born free.
That is your privilege."


"Mend this careless thread, it's gone askew
(Thread on my sweater is pendulous, step back and pull it
Watch it unravel faster than a speeding bullet)"


"I'm at the end of my report again
For those who won't do apathy
You had the perfect opportunity
But plead the fifth and walked away"


"What if I was just dreaming? What if I lived in a pear?
What if I had a mustard drenched cucumber tied to my leg."


"Disconnect and let me drift until my upside down is right side in
Society must let the artist go to wander off into the nebula"


"Two weeks without my lover,
I'm in this boat alone
Floating down a river named Emotion
Will I make it back to shore or drift into the unknown."


"If this is right, I'd rather be wrong.
If this is sight, I'd rather be blind."


"Out of line, and indivisible
A crow left of the murder
Every piece contains a map of it all"


"You came, you saw, you conquered...everyone
And I'm left here guessing
Oh what went wrong"


"Kiss the sand goodbye because
the tide is coming up and in
yeah, water, water, water everywhere
and every chance to sink!"


"High fives to a better judgment
By saying less today, I will gain more
Low twos to you my fickle friend
Who brought the art of silent war"


"Some people fall in love and touch the sky
Some people fall in love and find quicksand
I hover somewhere in between
I swear…
I can’t make up my mind."


"Wake up everyone
How can you sleep at a time like this
Unless the dreamer is the real you
Listen to your voice
The one that tells you to taste past the tip of your tongue
Leap and the net will appear."


"I dream
that someday we'll be able to look back
on this together and say
It was for the best and that it
made us stronger today."


"All of my life
Where have you been
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
And if that day comes
I know we could win
I wonder if I'll ever see you again."


"He said Hey Sister.
It’s really really nice to meet ya.
I just met this 5 foot 7 guy who’s just my type.
I like the way he’s speaking his confidence is peaking.
Don’t like his baggy jeans but Imma like what’s underneath it.
And no I aint been to MIA
I heard that Cali never rains and New York heart awaits.
First let’s see the west end.
I’ll show you to my bridrens.
I’m likin' this American Boy. American Boy."


"You better think fast, think fast
'Cause you never know what's coming round the bend.
You better not blink, or breathe.
For consequence is a bigger word than you think."


"Put down your hollow tips
And kiss your lover's lips
And know that fate is what you make of it."


"'Cause' what I want
and what I need
is and will always be free."





LEAVE ME

TALK TO ME






LOOK BACK

I CAN SEE YOU

Sunday, August 31, 2008 ' 8:54 AM
I start my day thinking about what I've thrown away...

An escape from all this

So much drama on the last posts huh? Forgive me for that. I'm having strange feelings lately. I do too much thinking. TOO MUCH.

So, now you know why I like talking about Incubus and Brandon Boyd. They're my only escape from all this. I feel happy and I forget all my problems when I'm in the world of their subtle music and captivating words.

As to that, here are some of my piled-up Incubus and Brandon updates:

B has found a new girl :( She's the typical "Brandon type", blonde and model-ish.


Strange but I had faced my fear of Brandon getting married. Not that he is getting married but I feel sad and shivers flowing through my body whenever I imagine B getting married someday. Stupid. I know. HAHA.
As I was doing research about this girl in Google, I found this link in Quizilla:
"Among The White Fluffy Clouds: A Brandon Boyd story"

Since, I do not know anything about Quizilla. I didn't knew what to think after reading almost half of the story. I couldn't finish it. I can't take it! Hehe.
How stupid of me, I actually thought that this story is real. But based from people I know who has some knowledge about Quizilla, most of the stories there are made up.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

End.>Vacuum is officially over. Actually, waaaayy over.
Congrats to Mikey for a successful show. Bow down.

End.>Vacuum line up:

I. Exit Lense
II. Moored From The Land
III. Labyrinthians
IV. Maladie
V. Married To The Sea
VI. Ad Infinitum
VII. Descention Bit
VIII. Exit Lense Reprise
IX. Trepidation For Typewriter And Woodwinds

For videos during the show click HERE.

According to a source, Brandon went with blonde girl. Oh and his hair is cut short. He got rid of the 'Jesus look'.

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First Incubus baby!

...it's weird saying "Incubus baby" if you know what Incubus means. HAHA.

Congrats to Jose and his new baby, Frankie Rose Pasillas!

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Saturday, August 30, 2008 ' 7:13 PM
I start my day thinking about what I've thrown away...

Everything we had


...played my i-pod on shuffle and then appears this song which the last time I listened to was ages ago. I just realized that it's a bit relevant.
Why relevant? Don't ask.





"Everything We Had"
- The Academy Is


You were the only face I'd ever known.
I was the light from the lamp on the floor,
and only as bright as you wanted me to be.
But, I am no gentleman, I can be a prick,
and I do regret more than I admit.
You have been followed back to the same place I sat with you drink for drink.
Take the pain out of love and then love won't exist.

Everything we had, everything we had,
everything we had, everything we had is no longer there.

It was the only place I'd never known.
Turned off the light on my way out the door.
I will be watching wherever you go,
through the eyes of a fly on the wall.
You have been followed back to the same place I sat with you drink for drink.
Take the pain out of love and then love won't exist.

Everything we had, everything we had,
everything we had, everything we had is no longer there, longer there.

You saw for yourself, the way it played out.
For you, I am blinded.
For you, I am blinded, for you.

I am no gentleman, I can be a prick.
And I do regret more than I admit.
You have been followed back to the same place I sat with you drink for drink.
Take the pain out of love and then love won't exist.

Everything we had, everything we had,
everything we had, everything we had.
Everything we had, everything we had,
everything we had...

I'll be with you wherever you go,
through the eyes of a fly on the wall.



...go figure.

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Monday, August 25, 2008 ' 9:26 PM
I start my day thinking about what I've thrown away...

I miss you.


Para akong naiiyak na ewan. There are two things in my mind that's bothering me. Actually one lang kasi connected naman yun isa dun.

Here I am, blogging once again about my emotions. It's hard kasi when you lose that person you used to tell all your feelings just for the sake of letting it out. I feel like I'm going to explode with all these mixed feelings. I have a problem of speech. I can easily promise myself to do this, do that, say this, say that. But when I'm right there in that very moment, it's either I stare or I say something else.

One of those things that's been bothering me is that some things seems to be unfair. I realized that I took all the consequences that is not even worth it.
When you think that you had find the right person to talk to, you realize that it's still not the same. Minsan kasi meron talagang isang tao that truly understands you, that you don't need to explain, you just get each other. Well, all that is left is memories, memories that when I look back to, makes me smile. Oh no, tears falling. Sorry can't help it.
I think a lot. That may be a positive thing or a negative thing. I analyze everything that happens to me. And as a result, I sometimes come up with an over-the-top or an exaggerated conclusion of why these things happen. Sometimes, I go for the positive side when gathering information to come up with a conclusion, but most of the time, I go for the negative.
I am experiencing the sickness, as I may call it, of paranoia. I am paranoid about almost everything. It's like a sickness that is slowly turning into a disease.
I like to escape from all this. I want to live in a completely different lifestyle or environment. But at the same time, I think that is not the solution. The solution is to face it and fix it. I tried doing all that I can. It's hard but I should face this because I am the origin of it all.
I just wish I can have that someone to talk to, someone who cares, someone that makes me excited every time we meet, someone I talk to hours and hours about random things, someone who makes me want to go to school everyday, someone who can serve as my inspiration, someone I could call a bestfriend.

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Saturday, August 23, 2008 ' 10:03 AM
I start my day thinking about what I've thrown away...

Kudos to Mikey


Today is August 23rd, the much awaited day of the End.>Vacuum (Read August 10 post). People in LA right now are probably feeling all the anxiety while waiting for the show to start. It is now 7:07 Pm in Los Angeles, California as I type. The show will start at 7:30 Pm. Oh, how I wish I was a part of that magical event. I would be the happiest being alive! If only...

Well, at least I am like 5% part of that event 'coz there's this group in MySpace called Incufanland and they have this project where fans of Mike will send in their message to Mike together with a picture of themselves or their picture with Mikey. Since, I am 0% part of the show, I've decided to send in my message and picture. All the messages and pictures were compiled into a one whole video. The admin of Incufanland will attend the event and is planning to show Mikey the video. So there, I am at least 5% part of the show. HAHAHA.

Hey, I know this is Mikey's day but I just can't help but feel envious of those two members of the Incubusstreatteamphilippines (Refer to August 10 post) who will AGAIN see Brandon and the other Incubus boys. Brandon, Jose, Ben, and Kil would probably be sitting at the very front row. And come to think, there's an after party!

Well, people at the Royce Hall, you guys have a blast.
And kiss Mikey for me!


Cheers.




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Friday, August 22, 2008 ' 5:07 PM
I start my day thinking about what I've thrown away...

It just keeps on coming back...


Last night I had another one of my so called "Incu dreams". The last time I had one was quite a long time from now. So yea, it keeps on haunting me. (In a good way.)


I went to this hotel, don't know why I was there. I guess my purpose was to stalk Incubus. At the middle of nowhere, there was this two people playing table tennis and a lot of people were surrounding them, it was very noisy 'coz people were yelling and coaching. Browsing through the crowded people around me, I saw Ben and Brandon. They were watching the game too. In the middle of the game, Brandon went to this room and me and a friend, Hen followed him. The bouncer saw us but he didn't mind. He just gave me a 'you-don't-know-who-you're-messing-with' look.
Upon entering the room, we chatted with Brandon. To make the most out of the opportunity, I kept touching his body. Arms, shoulders and even his hair. haha. Hen left. I had B all to myself. I took a lot of pictures. We had fun pictures. Wacky pics! I even pinched myself 'coz I thought I was just having a dream. (Which apparently, I am.) So I did and I told him and he just smiled. Pictures here, pictures there, pictures everywhere. We were having a good conversation that we didn't notice that it was getting late. So I decided to spend the night with him. The morning after, it couldn't sink in my mind that I actually slept with the man I have always dreamed about, Brandon Boyd. Wait, not slept 'slept', we just slept together that's all. The bouncer checked on Brandon and I hurriedly locked myself in the bathroom, then I peeked. He checked for the second time and saw me! he called his people and I ran. Didn't get to say goodbye to Brandon 'coz he was having a grumpy morning. Haha.

(One of the pictures I was talking about.)
...I wish


Good reason to jump start my day!
...by not going to school. HAHA.

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Wednesday, August 20, 2008 ' 9:38 PM
I start my day thinking about what I've thrown away...

Obsession no.2

As guilty as I am, but yes, I am obsessed with clothes, shoes and accessories. I buy this, buy that and I am slowly becoming bankrupt without even noticing. I experienced being bankrupt for almost a month! And it was not easy! HAHA.

I love having a unique style but at the same time, I try to join in with the latest trend.

1. Alicia + Olivia circle pleat halter dress
2. Love Yaya boa tank dress
3. Mara Hoffman print sleeveless draped dress
4. Trina Turk print woven dress
5. Marc by Marc Jacobs check jacquared dress (Love the pocket detail!)
6. Twinkle lucky dress
7. Marc by Marc Jacobs concrete jungle print dress (I'm in love with animal prints!)
8. Tibi Marakech halter dress (Getting the whole hippie vibe. To top with a hippie headband!)


1. Hanii Y honey bee sequin mini dress
2. Velevet marguerite dress
3. Catherine Malandrino igenue dress with sea snail detail
4. Yaya Aflalo biltmore dress
5. Castle Star brushed silk dress with beaded yoke (Love the back dramatic detail!)
6. Antik Batik sigma debardeur tunic (Ala Georgina get-up from GG)
7. Juicy Couture sequin scoop neck tank dress (Another Georgina get-up)
8. LaROK arrow neck dress


Moschino sleeveless shift dress (right), Alisha Levine leigh dress (left)
(Did I mention how much I love animal prints?)


Velvet corlisa dress (Every girl must have at least one white dress in their closet.)


1. S.W.O.R.D piacenza leather jacket (Ala Serena Van Der Woodsen?)
2. L.A.M.B bee hooded parka plaid
3. L.A.M.B hooded woven jacket (Plaid designs are LOVE.)
4. Juicy couture balloon sleeve zip hoodie
5. C & C California helen cardigan
6. Karen Zambos vintage couture reversible tank dress
7. Zooey 'be the cure' tee (Peace is in!)
8. 7 For All Mankind organic boot cut jeans (I love torn up rugged jeans)


1. Id Tuttle the vessel open vamp ankle bootie (Top it of with an all black get-up)
2. Lamb Greyson grommet flat sandal
3. Twelfth St. by Cynthia Vincent Shoes simone flat jewelled thing sandal
4. UGG Australia suede boots (Doesn't look nice when you look at it but when you wear it...)
5. Toms madras flats
6. Mella cheetah flip flop


1. Eugenia Kim muffy matte sequin hat
2. Twenty8Twelve java knit hat (Beanies are LOOVVEE)
3. Malababa braided leather headband (You can use it as a hippie band too!)
4. Nightcap Clothing fairy headband / belt (Everybody's wearing this trend right now, wish I've done the minute I knew about it. HAHA.)


Silk headscarves (Super stylish!)


1. Jack Rabbit Collection large moon river bag
2. Ginette Etc doble martini bag
3. Marc by Marc Jacobs miss marc goes green pole shopper
4. Marc by Marc Jacobs eco friendly bag (Cute and helps the environment too!)


Um, I would need a handful of confidence to flaunt those clothes. That's what I'm lacking. Oh, and a HOT body too. HAHA.


I would create my own fashion line someday. Someday...

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Sunday, August 17, 2008 ' 6:44 PM
I start my day thinking about what I've thrown away...

Doomsday is INDEED here.

If y'all are avid readers of Bryan Boy's blog. You may have seen his blog post entitled, "DOOMSDAY IS HERE: LIPGLOSS". One word, NIGHTMARE. My nightmare of having a Filipino version of "Gossip Girl" has yet come true. Oh why oh why? This cannot be!
I had shivers while watching it. I can't believe they even gave effort to this sickfest show. Everything about it is WRONG. The title, the cast, the place. EVERYTHING!
Let me barf. Disgusting man! Does these people have nothing to do with their lives so they just decided to make this crap? And where the hell did they get their cast with such bad acting skills? Maybe two out of those people were at least a bit good. Oh, and Rodjhun Cruz?? OH PUHHLLEEAASSEE. The show is weak, cheap, shallow, and...awful. Ugh. Shempre, galit na galit ako. HAHA. Evil, I am. I know.

Now, let's all barf together now.



FYI, I'm not targeting the people on this show. I'm disgusted by the thought of having a cheap version of "Gossip Girl" that's all. No hard feelings. ;)
...but hey, look at the bright side! This show is so bad, it gets interesting to watch. HAHA.
Oh wow, with all these criticism, I sound like Perez Hilton.

Well, isa lang masasabi ko, good luck nalang sa ratings. HAHA.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

HAPPY 16th, REB! Love youuu.

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Monday, August 11, 2008 ' 11:47 PM
I start my day thinking about what I've thrown away...

Prayers for Tara Santelices

This news about Saffron Speedway guitarist, Tara Santelices being shot in the head while riding inside a jeepney spreads so fast. Please do pray for her. I don't know her personally but to have a little faith about this, the least we can do is pray.

Click HERE for the whole story.

Quite annoying how mean people can be. Not only the shooter but also the by-standers who didn't care about what is happening. The important thing for them is that THEY'RE safe. They didn't bother helping or anything.

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Sunday, August 10, 2008 ' 12:15 PM
I start my day thinking about what I've thrown away...

End.>Vacuum


I found about Mike Einziger's End.>Vacuum project during early July. I was so amazed by Mike's talent. He actually wrote an orchestral piece while at rest during his time-intensive recovery for his Carpal Tunnel surgery. I bow down to his genius mind of music composition.

The music will be performed in nine movements, by a group of musicians called "The Graviton Modern Ensemble". It will be a mixture of professional philharmonic players and friends. Throughout the piece, Mike will play a variety of different instruments (sans guitar) alongside his brother, Benjamin Einziger, and his good friend Blake Mills. Suzie Katayama will be conducting.

To make this event even more heavenly, the first part of the program will consist of a lecture by Mike's friend and esteemed British physicist, Dr. Brian Cox. He is a world-renowned scientist who acts as a science correspondent for the BBC, and is currently conducting monumental research at the large hadron collider at
CERN. The large hadron collider is a particle accelerator, and is the most powerful / complex /expensive machine ever built by humans (google it). His talk will be a discussion on particle-physics and the mind-bending potential for major discoveries at CERN in the near future.

As a matter of fact, a member of our
Incubus Street Team won and is representing our country. Represent! I think she is the ONLY one that submitted a video under Philippines. As much as I want to submit a video, I don't think I will be allowed to fly all the way to Los Angeles to watch it. But I still did want to send a video, just the thought of Mike seeing it makes me happy. But according to the rules, you can't send a video if you're not going to attend the show.

Incubus Street Team member, Aissa won 2 tickets to see the show. And get this, it comes with backstage passes to meet Mike. Backstage passes! I bet the other Incubus boys will be there as well. Kudos to you!



The performance is on August 23rd at UCLA's famed Royce Hall.
See you there!

...as if.

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Saturday, August 9, 2008 ' 6:23 PM
I start my day thinking about what I've thrown away...

A Millie

...Just 'coz Mike keeps on playing that song. Aaaah! My ears!

So, I met up with Mike and Lau at Mcdonald's in Taft. Sorry guys for violating the early bird rule. Haha.
We had zero knowledge about this application submitting thing so we got "idiot-ified" twice. We submitted Mike's application form in DLSU. Went to Academic Gateway to inquire for review classes for DLSUCET, USTET, and ACET. Ate in some resto near UST and went straight to UST to submit Mike's application form. (You're welcome, Mike.)
Hello, I've-been-studying-in-UST-since-you-guys-were-born-so-I-don't-give-a-
fuck-if-you-guys-are-confused-just-get-this-over-with
guy.
Hahaha. He was intimidating!
We pretty much bummed here in my condo after, took some pictures, blah blah.
Thanks you guys! I had fun ;)

...Oh and by the way Mike, I searched pictures of Steve Nash, and he does NOT look like Brandon Boyd. Kinda looks like Kyan from Queer Eye. Hahaha.
And thanks for the "be kind to your yaya" talks, Mike. Hehe.

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Happy 5th, my Heroes!



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Friday, August 8, 2008 ' 6:05 PM
I start my day thinking about what I've thrown away...

And again

Happy 5th, B!


Even if you're slowly vanishing in my mind. You will still remain forever in my ♥.

Cheesy.

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Wednesday, August 6, 2008 ' 12:38 PM
I start my day thinking about what I've thrown away...

On feeling messed-up...

I've been being sooo lazy these past few days. I'm a mess, my room's a mess which is odd 'coz I'm, as you may call it, a "clean freak". I've been accomplishing NOTHING with tons of things-to-do piling up. I tried to do some of my paper work and I ended up sleeping with them. Notebooks, books, pens, and all that shit, scattered in my bed as I sleep. I hate that feeling. Waking up with things all over me. I haven't studied for my tests, and as today, I didn't get to study last night for one of the bloodiest subjects so I decided to go absent and re-take the test. I don't know why I've been stressing. There's nothing to stress about right? Well, except for the fact that I can't help but feel controlled with almost everything that I do. I can't make my own decisions. Even when I get to choose where my future will be, I get to stick to their choice with the most annoying and hardly accepted reason. I'm not saying that I should make my own decisions for my future 'coz I know I'm not on the right level to do that but this is too much.
It's just..WRONG.

Relevant to that (Go figure), I took the UPCAT test last Saturday. I was assigned for the AM session which is at 6:30 am. So woked-up at around 3:30 am and arrived there at 4:30 am. Talk about excited? I saw someone I know, but I don't really talk to her so...why talk to her? haha. Math and science was B-L-O-O-D-Y.
I went shotgun on some of the questions. Bad. So, at least I have an idea of what the other exams will be. I don't really put UP as a consideration, I just tried the exam. Fail or pass, I won't study there.

Watched "The Dark Night" after. Don't need to narrate on that since everybody has watched it. All I can say is...Christian Bale is indeed gorgeous ;)

Au revoir!

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